I'm Not That Girl
by skellington13
Summary: Blithe smile, lithe limb; She who's winsome, she wins him; Gold hair with a gentle curl; That's the girl he chose; And Heaven knows I'm not that girl


_I do not own the characters of Glee or the song from Wicked. Please read and review! I am debating on making this a series of one shots based on the music from Wicked so please let me know what you think._

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"Alright folks, as promised, we're going to do some songs from the musical Wicked. Now, I know this isn't to all of your tastes but it always places well in Sectionals. I want to mix it up a little, try to give everyone a chance to perform. I'm letting you pick songs from this hat and this song if the one you will sing, without complaint. Okay?"

He glanced at me as he said it and I frowned. Why was I the only person in this club who saw that I was the best singer they had?

I wasn't trying to be arrogant or conceited; it was the plain, simple truth. Sure, the rest of the club could sing but none of them matched my range, my experience, my drive or my passion.

I let out a quiet sigh, not wanting to draw attention to my unhappiness and have to listen to another round of 'Berry bashing' as Noah charmingly calls it when I suddenly become to butt of everyone's jokes.

I slipped my hand into the hat and drew out a small slip of white paper. I could hear the cheerleaders' confused voices and I knew, without a doubt, that they had no idea what they were supposed to be singing or doing. Idiots. I rolled my eyes and looked down at my slip of paper and smiled bitterly.

_I'm Not That Girl._ It was fitting, I guess. I risked a glance over my shoulder to where the popular members of the group sat. Quinn was perched between Finn and Noah, smiling brightly at something Santana had said, her eyes flashing to me briefly. Probably another crack about my man hands or my pink sweater. I'd been hearing them all day. The Cheerios must have their collective periods this week because they were being old school mean to me again.

I let the feeling wash off me and looked at my slip of paper again.

"Rach, you want to start?"

I glanced up at Mr Shu and ignored Quinn's stage whispered "of course she does."

I stood, straightening my spine and took my rightful place centre stage.

_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat_

I remembered the exact moment I had met Finn. Properly met him, I mean. I knew who he was of course. Everyone did. He was always among the group of boys who gave me 'slushie facials' a couple of times a week. He never did the throwing, though. That was important to remember.

The first time I heard him sing had left me with a feeling I had never felt before. A heat in my gut that made me gasp to myself. I had been trying to recreate that feeling with boys since without success. It was only him. He made me feel things I had no right to feel.

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl:_

When he told me he already had a girlfriend I was crushed. I had hoped that with Glee in common, we could have been more than friends. I should have known better though. I was geeky Rachel Berry, man hands. No self respecting boy would want anything to do with me.

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are_

I fooled myself into thinking that I could be with Noah. I thought since I couldn't have Finn and he couldn't have Quinn that we could have each other. I was wrong of course. Even to the guy who would have sex with anything who spread their legs didn't want me. Not really. Sure, he would fool around with me in my bedroom and he was sweet when we were alone and he serenaded me in practise but I knew what he wanted. What he really wanted and it wasn't me. He would stare at her when he thought no one was looking but I saw. That was the real reason our relationship came to such a fast end. I was already playing second fiddle to her with Finn, I didn't want to do it with Noah as well.

_Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl_

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in_

I am the first person to admit that I dabble in make belief. I have never had the best school experience and sometimes I like to pretend, just for a few minutes, that I'm with Finn. That he looks at me the same way he looks at _her._ I would give anything to have him look at me with that longing in his eyes.

And then I come back to earth with a bang. I remember that he's with her and she's pregnant and I have no chance. And I cry.

_Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl_

I meet their eyes. They sit in the back row, football player, Cheerio, football player etc. She's perched between them, leaning in to Finn as she watches me with something like pity in her eyes. She's the picture of perfection. Her cheerleading uniform is perfect, her hair is perfect, her make up is perfect. The's beautiful in that unattainable way that the magazines say boys like and as much as i try to fool myself, I just know i can't compete with her. Not for Finn. Not for Noah.

I know that Finn feels something for me but compared to what he feels for her… it's like comparing candlelight to a forest fire. She is his everything and I'm just the weird geek who stalks him and pushes him a little too hard to be better. It's not hard to understand why he would choose her over me. I'm the man hands who has been getting slushies thrown at her for the past three years. What's to want?

_Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl_

I meet Noah's eyes and suddenly there's understanding in them. He gets what I mean but it doesn't matter. Because when it comes down to it, he'll choose her too.

I close my eyes against their mocking pity as I hold the last note before finishing and taking my seat again. I'm not Quinn and I never will be.

Maybe it's time to just stop trying. I'm better than them all, I remind myself. I'm going to be a star some day. I'm going to be on broadway, maybe singing this exact song to a packed out theatre. Maybe.


End file.
